October 29, 2025 #peakchaos

Sally. Perfectly sideways, shoulders shifting, pearls glowing just enough to make me dizzy. You can’t see behind me. You can’t see this way. You can’t see behind me, she sang, tilting side to side like a catwalk instructor with a vendetta.

I squinted. Something was moving. Voices? Footsteps? I couldn’t tell. Coco hissed and puffed his tail into an electric storm.

Cat’s hoodie slipped a bit from her face, and she leaned forward, eyes narrowing. Ex-husband D, she muttered. Or ex-husbandy. Pick a numb-burrr!!

Sally turned sharply, finger wagging. Listen here, young hoodied one — I’ve survived ex-husbands. I’m not counting exactly how many, because who needs numbers when you’re schooling idiots like you?

Joe blinked.

Sally! I scolded.

Cat muttered, Wifey… seriously.

Sally puffed her phantom cigarette dramatically, gaze sweeping over us all. And now you. Floating, thinking, maybe, just maybe… some rules apply. But no! Heaven isn’t for paperwork! It’s for cosmic justice, floating wardrobes, and learning that love — married, divorced, ghosted, or otherwise — comes with new upgrades!

I tried to nod. Coco hissed again. Somewhere behind Sally… I swear I heard faint groans of ex-husbands past.

Sally leaned closer, eyes twinkling with that judging-but-loved energy. So relax, sweethearts — here in heaven, no one owes anyone an apology.

And just like that, something shifted behind Sally.
Coco bolted upright, claws extended.

Cat’s eyes widen so fast I thought they might pop out of her hoodie. Low-key… glad I died young, she muttered in that deadpan, Gen Z drawl. Skipped all the messy divorces and ex-husband drama. 10/10 would recommend...

Cat! I snapped.

Joe shuffled a little, looking completely lost, until Donna reached over and gently grabbed his hand. He gave a small, sheepish grin. 

Thanks, he whispered.

Sally let out a satisfied huff, one eyebrow arched, and turned back to us: You're never too alive – or too dead – to know better. Now behave!

And just like that, she stomped off – heels clicking – into what looked like a casino room made entirely of glitter, laughter, and possibly several very confused men.
​
Coco hissed, Catalina muttered something about peak chaos, and I just sighed, knowing full well that Heaven had officially gotten louder, funnier, and infinitely cooler.